Thursday, August 19, 2010

new beginnings, new school year, i'm a mom!


I know I'm not the best of blogging...between this posts and the last seems like a while, but it's been a very busy time for our house! And I don't think I could actually post this until now....

Sent our first born to college. You dread this day, but yet look forward to it..you're sad, but happy. The emotions that I felt, well, I couldn't even understand or comprehend. If one more person told me that this was what I wanted, that I still had my youngest at home..blah, blah, blah...I was thinking at any moment I "may go postal" on someone!

The pain I was in-thank you A.S) on "college move in day" would NOT take away this experience from me. So, yep..I lofted beds, I carried boxes, I hung photos and zip-tied curtain rods! The room that my daughter would call home for the next year...would be HOME. Leaving that evening was going to be happy..make her feel loved, but no tears (not in front of her). Well, our youngest changed all of that! Insert the ugly cry at this point. You know the ugly cry!!

The morning after...WOW! The tears flowed! I must've cried for 5 hours straight...it wouldn't stop. Why can't I stop?! I'm happy for her. I'm sooo proud. What is this feeling???!!! I have no clue...but I don't like it and I want it to go away!!!!

Skype, FB messaging, texting...I LOVE YOU! These are the BEST and WORST inventions ever! So, it's been just over a week and yes, I am "mentally" back to normal-for whatever normal is for me mentally. Can I tell you what those feelings were..no and I know I'll experience them in 3 years again when my Lou goes.

While I still, at times, wish she was here and have moments where I think I see her driving past and wave at some stranger (yes, this really happened)...I am sooo proud of my oldest accomplishments and where she's at!!! Also, very proud that she's starting new beginnings and new friends (go ZETA).

As for my little Lou....new beginnings for her too. She's now an "only child" at home. So, she gets some of that "special" attention that her older sister got for the first 4 years of her life.

As for us..things are good. As for me and this dreaded AS...well, I hate it! Let's be honest. I'm off humira for a month and taking a very strong anti-inflammatory and really thinking that I probably need the humira because I'm in a LOT of pain. But, then I think I walked a bunch of stairs and moved a bunch of boxes..did a lot of lifting and moving and "stuff". Is this a flare up because of all that??!!! Just like I didn't know what those feelings are, I'm not sure about this either. Wish I knew. I do know one thing...today, I'm resting. Yes, I'm taking a "time-out".


I'm one proud mom of two beautiful girls!


AS may have my body but it will not have me!

1 comment:

  1. I am proud of you.
    You are grieving Mel...it is a loss for sure. However, you will start feeling a new life and wonder why you felt this way.
    I miss Jusin so much and know that I will see him again one day but it will be under different circumstances. Even though I am grieving I am wondering now what?
    At 62, wow... that seems so old, unless you are there. LOL
    It is hard to find yourself when there is a death.
    I am praying for your pain. I heard this morning that Tai chi is great for AS. Have you tried it? I love YOGA it really helps my back and leg pain. Love you and so glad you had a happy birthday.

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