Smile, think positive even in bad times

Rheumy visit last Friday went well--as well as can go when you're literally struggling with the level of pain and the meds not quite working. I was on humira and went off all for a month and then changed to enbrel. I've been on enbrel for 1 month (and 1 week) and the doc says it will take 3 to 4 months for it to "kick in". Well, can you hurry up, cause AS is kicking my "AS"! So, I'm having more of the "bad" days right now, but such as life with AS. Just have to get through these next couple of months praying the enbrel with "kick in".

We've added flexiril....I'm sooo over adding more pills/drugs! But, it's finding the right combination that will work for the pain and manage the disease. So I guess--"this is life"!

I've come to really dread Thursdays....why?....well, it's the day that I have "selected" to be my "sick" day! Some Thursdays are good and some bad, just depends on the injection with the vial of the dreaded methotrexate beside it (picture below). The injection with the gray top (picture below) is the enbrel (please hurry up and start working).

For whatever reason the methotrexate smell is nauseating alone. Used to not bother me to smell it, but now...ugh! So, enbrel in the leg, methotrexate in the tummy! Usually within an hour my tummy is a tiny bit queezy. Some Thursdays more than others. Always is the feeling of exhaustion though--nothing worse than feeling as if you can't even move you're soo tired! Chemo will do that to you, I guess?!

I wonder is this my life? The remainder of my YOUNG life??? Then I'm quickly reminded that I am alive! Even though the disease is TERRIBLE, I'm alive! I can do this. I can take a quick "time out" on Thursday so that the remainder of the week, I can be a wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend! Granted, I do, at times, have "mini time outs" during the day sometimes, but to give up is not an option no matter how bad the pain is! I refuse to lay in the bed and watch my life slowly pass by--because the folks who love me deserve more as well! Yes, you MUST think about those who love you...not only do you have AS, but they do as well. It might not be in their body, but it does affect them too! I think of my husband especially....what a man I have! I hate that AS entered our awesome marriage! I also am thankful that I have an awesome marriage and husband that is walking through this wilderness with me! I'm sure I could walk it alone (because I have God by my side), but it's nice to have your best-friend holding your hand as well! I love you, Lang, with all my heart!!!! THANK YOU!

I've been reminded this week how short life is (we have these daily reminders, but sometimes we miss them right before our eyes). It makes me angry that some folks have nothing better to do than to "get up in someones business". So many people suffer each and every day. I wonder sometimes when I look at someone if they have a "secret thing"---what's my "secret thing"---it's ankylosing spondylitis-AS.

So instead of "getting up in others business" why don't we simply offer a smile. Why don't we pray for those we love and those we meet--and even those we don't like so much.

I truly believe that if you smile, I'll smile...yes, a little Bieber there! But, try it! SMILE today and think positive thoughts! God is smiling too at YOU!


  1. Hi Meloni,
    I am new to your blog and will be following. I was just diagnosed with AS last month and also have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful daughters. My daughters are still small, though. I also have a blog and would love to have you come visit me at
    I hope your Enbrel kicks in soon and does great things for you. My rheumy things Enbrel is the WONDERDRUG for AS.


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