Need or want...

We often say we "need" something when really it's just that we "want" something. It's really not a necessity just a want! Having ankylosing spondylitis there are some things I "need". I need my medication. I need my rest. I need my husband to help me out at times. I need my rheumatologist. I need my comfy cloths that don't hurt. These are just some of the basic AS needs.

But, there are other "needs" associated with my AS as well and those have to do with others. I need folks to just try and understand. I need to cancel sometimes. I need you to walk slower. I need for you to NOT tell me that "oh, exercise is good for arthritis". Really...well, I don't have "arthritis". I have ankylosing spondylitis. I need you to not zone out after YOU ask a question about AS or how I'm feeling.

Truth is...there's a HUGE difference between wants and needs. So, what are your wants? I want new shoes, new clothes, a new car, more money. Those are all things that all of us could say we want. But, what are your needs? Seek the difference between the two. For to often we really are just "wanting". When you live with a chronic illness, the wanting and needs change. Seems the wanting starts getting less. I strive now not for wants, but things that I need--and things I'd love to have back.

Now, wait-before you think oh, now we're going to the "wants" of the past. Oh, I wish it were like it was-talking economy here-no, that's not what I'm talking about at all, while I'd love nothing more to be back economically at that place again. This is a look at my body back several years ago--not a look and say, "oh, I wish I was a size 2 again". That's just outside and vain. It's not about how you look. I want to be able to go bowling. I want to be able to dance with my husband without pain. I want to be able to walk with the dog again. I want to wake and feel no pain. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. See the difference between the want here?? I hope so!

We take things for granted! We take our LIFE for granted. We are given this precious gift-life. But, how do we use it. Do we use it to just make ourselves look better on the outside--that's just all a joke! What's behind your closed doors--yelling and screaming or love and compassion. Sometimes I think we'd quickly chose to wash a strangers feet than wash the feet of those living in our own house! If your "house" isn't right--then you will not last a chronic illness. I'm thankful my husband loves me through sickness and health...seems there's more sickness now. Why does he have to live this way? I DON'T WANT THIS!

So, taking this from a blog I recently was introduced to--one where "Sara" is losing her fight with AS. Her body started shutting down and hospice was called in last week--all from complications from having AS. There's not been a new post, so I wonder if the fight is over and she's home resting with her Father--OUR Father.

"This is not the life I imagined for myself, but it's the life I've been blessed with and I won't take a moment of it for granted."

So, I might not dance or bowl, but I will NOT live my life with regrets either. I'll suck it up and dance a little ;)!

And another stolen line that I'll be adding...
"My body is brutal, but I'm ok"! I am ok. So, that's what you'll hear from me! I have been sooo blessed and I will NOT take one moment for granted!

AS has my body, but NOT me!


  1. Hi Meloni
    In regards to "I need a new pair of shoes"...Your feet do need AND deserve a good pair of shoes that fit comfortable.
    We are able to help you and anyone else decide the best pair of shoes.
    The Athlete's Foot Australia.

  2. Hi Meloni
    I started following you on blogger a while ago as I somehow stumbled across your blog. I too suffer from AS and all the horrid affects it has on joints and other organs.
    You said you follow an AS blogger community on here?
    About the shoes, you DO NEED a decent pair of shoes with lots of support & cushioning. I have found Asics Gel Kayano excellent for walking (not that I have been able to for a while due to major problems with my hip and knee).
    I hear what you say and understand totally.

    PS. Sara passed away last week :( she was such an inspiration.


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